The last couple of days have been rough. I came down with a wicked cold, talking for a couple of days became a hassle. It only added to the blue feeling I've been having. There's been no real reason for it I suppose, if there is I have yet to find the source. It all started really over the weekend.
M's been busy with work and school so I've been trying to respect that. There was a small spat over the weekend and things just kind of went down hill from there. To add to the frustration of the spat and the void of not being in M's company, I began messing up on little things that led to bigger things. I forgot to write my morning email one day, I left my phone at my work desk one day when I headed out for lunch, I was in a rotten mood and was testy at times with M, I was shying away because of guilt over the emotional reaction I got from M when i turned in my task. I had already felt detached and these things only added to it.
So...I've been hard on myself. I've been analyzing every little thing I do. Every mistake I made, in my mind, just went to prove I was a horrible submissive. Then when I did not get punished for the indiscretions, it only seemed to add to that thought process. Perhaps it had run its course and so he just didn't feel like dominating me anymore. Just a bunch of unhealthy thinking. But, true to M's style he allowed me a little rope.
Yesterday, he pulled but not as hard as I would have expected. I was given the task of sitting down and righting out a list of everything I do right. That was a little rough because I am a virgo...we are our own worst enemy and critic. It took me the better part of the day to write it out and I had to stretch my brain to the point of hurting to get it done...but I did it. I'm still feeling off but I am more mindful of it now. So...we shall see. I do know I'm just ready to be home and in the sun right now...
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