Thank god the week is over and a new one is beginning. This past week was the week from hell. Ever feel like you're running a thousand miles but yet you are getting no where, the scenery isn't changing? This past week, I honestly came to the conclusion I was on a tread mill. I ran A LOT but yet I was still stuck in the same place. It was frustrating to say the least.
But, this next week should be better. There's a trip coming up on Thursday. 6 whole days of just M and I...no kids, no worries...no clothes most of the time hehe. We both need the break to be honest. We need the time to ourselves to reconnect in many ways and time to recharge the dead batteries we're running on. Ultimately...it will be a great time to work on us.
Kind of like this past week, some of our issues have been like running in place. And that feeling of getting no where or anything changing is driving a divider between us. Perhaps he feels different, but it's what I see and feel. We spend more time apart, especially on the weekends. One would think that we'd talk more, that we'd spend more time together. But...it never works out that way. He's got work to tend to and I have a house and a kid to tend to.
It will all get dealt with eventually. My only concern is that what started out as an ant hill is going to fester into a full blown mountain by the time it does. For now, there really is no resemblance of D/s in our relationship. He doesn't have time to devote to it and my submission...well, in turn I really just question it. I miss that side of us. Just not really sure how to get it all back. I've had a few suggestions, but even they have fallen by the way side. So...I dunno. We'll see I guess. For now...I'll get back on my tread mill. I'm determined like that.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Sunday, February 6, 2011
On being needed
Sometimes we all need to feel needed. It doesn't matter whether it's a plain Jane, vanilla relationship or an array of the 31 flavors. Sometimes even more so on the latter. For both a Dom and sub, in all truth, they equally need each other. You can't lead without a follower and you can't follow without a leader. Pretty simple concept.
But that isn't what I am referring to. I am not talking so much on co-dependency. I am talking about that basic human drive we all feel at some point of feeling needed by the person you're with. I can not begin to suppose or assume, even though I have the basic knowledge, on the Dominant's aspect in this. It's a given that they need to feel needed by the Submissive. Hell, in so many instances, they know we need them before we realize it. But for a submissive, we always know and feel that need for our dominant. But what happens when that need is not reciprocated? What happens when we feel that we aren't needed by our Dominant?
For me, it leaves me feeling rather...well...useless. Sure, we always know they need something at some point. A glass of water, clean clothes, a hot meal on the kitchen table, a body to use...you get the drift. But real need, that need for companion ship, that need to know you're there even if you're not physically at their side. Perhaps I am spoiled or jaded or whatever, but I would think that they still need that right? If so, shouldn't it be shown? I don't see it as a sign of weakness to admit that you occasionally need the same thing we all do. I don't personally see it as being soft to out of the blue send a text or call just because you needed your significant other/submissive.
Perhaps I am a sentimentalist at heart, perhaps that is my vanilla side speaking. I don't know...tell me if I am wrong. But for me personally, I don't really want to be in a relationship...D/s or otherwise where I wasn't needed in a capacity other than to be a servant. If that's the terms you worked out, great...it works for you. That's the beauty of TTWD, there is no "RIGHT" way to do things. But, for me...I just don't function on that level. I can't serve and give myself completely to someone without suffering the effects of emotional connections as well. I tried, really hard...and in the end I fell deeper for the person than had I not tried to fight it every step of the way.
I spent 10 years in a marriage to a man who never needed me...in any capacity. It was a hollow relationship that only lasted as long as it does because of a child. In the end, I found myself lying to me. I would never be happy not being needed. My very first Dominant eventually drifted that way as well. I was serving in every way possibly, but he didn't need me either. It ended...simple as that. In my head, if you don't need the person you're with...then you don't really have any real connection. And...nine times out of ten...the other side will end up hurt because they do need you.
But that isn't what I am referring to. I am not talking so much on co-dependency. I am talking about that basic human drive we all feel at some point of feeling needed by the person you're with. I can not begin to suppose or assume, even though I have the basic knowledge, on the Dominant's aspect in this. It's a given that they need to feel needed by the Submissive. Hell, in so many instances, they know we need them before we realize it. But for a submissive, we always know and feel that need for our dominant. But what happens when that need is not reciprocated? What happens when we feel that we aren't needed by our Dominant?
For me, it leaves me feeling rather...well...useless. Sure, we always know they need something at some point. A glass of water, clean clothes, a hot meal on the kitchen table, a body to use...you get the drift. But real need, that need for companion ship, that need to know you're there even if you're not physically at their side. Perhaps I am spoiled or jaded or whatever, but I would think that they still need that right? If so, shouldn't it be shown? I don't see it as a sign of weakness to admit that you occasionally need the same thing we all do. I don't personally see it as being soft to out of the blue send a text or call just because you needed your significant other/submissive.
Perhaps I am a sentimentalist at heart, perhaps that is my vanilla side speaking. I don't know...tell me if I am wrong. But for me personally, I don't really want to be in a relationship...D/s or otherwise where I wasn't needed in a capacity other than to be a servant. If that's the terms you worked out, great...it works for you. That's the beauty of TTWD, there is no "RIGHT" way to do things. But, for me...I just don't function on that level. I can't serve and give myself completely to someone without suffering the effects of emotional connections as well. I tried, really hard...and in the end I fell deeper for the person than had I not tried to fight it every step of the way.
I spent 10 years in a marriage to a man who never needed me...in any capacity. It was a hollow relationship that only lasted as long as it does because of a child. In the end, I found myself lying to me. I would never be happy not being needed. My very first Dominant eventually drifted that way as well. I was serving in every way possibly, but he didn't need me either. It ended...simple as that. In my head, if you don't need the person you're with...then you don't really have any real connection. And...nine times out of ten...the other side will end up hurt because they do need you.
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