What a girl needs

As submissives...hell even Dominants, we've all come across those lists "What should I look for in a Dominant?" and "What should I look for in a submissive?" Granted...the page hits are probably higher on the first.  I've seen some really great, extensive lists out there. But what about what you need in a Dominant? or What do you need in a submissive? When you are first starting off, looking up all the info you can on the lifestyle before you get onto the proverbial "Crazy Train"...it generally doesn't come up until you meet a Dominant or a Submissive and then you sit for a second, blinking, not really knowing how to answer.

We get so wrapped in "what we should be looking for" and while that is great, I think an important first step is knowing what it is you are looking for. At least a basic starting list of what you know you will definitely need in that other person. We do this with vanilla relationships. As we grow up, we all do the whole "When I grow up I will have a husband who is cute and will help wash the dishes." (I used that because that is exactly what my 9 year old told me today when clearing the breakfast table.) Or, for you guys out there...when you hit 16 (or 25 in a lot of cases lol), "When I get married, it will be to a woman who has a high sex job and can cook." Yes, I know that isn't what everyone says but generally...we start making a list of what we expect or need from our significant other long before we actually meet them.

So, in the spirit of that, I decided to make a short list of what I know I need in a Dominant. Yes, the list of my needs in a relationship is longer...but as I said, it's a starter list of the things I need and look for in a Dominant.

1) "Control" and Responsibility
If he cannot control himself, how can he be expected to control me? I want to know that the dominant I     choose is responsible and in control of his own life and emotions. Flying off the handle, screaming and     shouting...that doesn't say Dominance...it says abuse. I should not have to state this, but he must be responsible financially. No no no, I am not saying rich, I merely mean that he must be responsible...meaning his must work, no gambling, be able to budget, etc. Again...If he cannot control/be responsible for himself, then how am I going to be able to depend on him to be responsible/in control of me?
2) Commitment
I need a Dominant who is commited to being just that...a Dominant. May seem like a "Duh" thing but if you really think about it, it isn't. I understand we all have days where we are off of our "A-Game" but even on those days, we still know that we all have responsibilities to each other. I am committing myself, my submission, my time, my talents and my treasures to the relationship. I know I will have off days, but even then, I will still be pushing myself to get back into the "right frame of mind." I do not think it selfish or nonsensical to expect the same from my Dominant.
3)  Discipline and Consistency:
I want to know that there will be consequences when I disobey and that he will consistently apply them. I      read a really good blog on Tumblr that could not have said it more perfect. I am extremely hard on myself and while I don't always expect physical discipline (despite liking it lol), I do need to be put in line and I need it to be consistent.
4)  Caring, Nurturing and Understanding a Submissive:
This one does go hand in hand with the one above. While firm in hand, I need someone who is caring and nurturing, who is willing to be there not only after a scene but on those days I am off my "A-Game" or am struggling with something life has thrown at us. He needs to be understand as to what a submissive is. I need someone that knows that I want to serve and that I am not just a "Slut" or a "fuck buddy/toy". Someone who understands I, as a submissive, am not a doormat who wants to be abused. I need a Dominant who knows that I need to be controlled and I need to give my all. A dominant would never berate me as weak or desperate.
5)  Dependability
This may seem a redundant thing but it needs to be stated. I am not a weak person by any means and am     fully capable of taking care of myself. But by the same token, submissives do depend on their Dominant     for many things. While we all know things get in the way, especially with work and such, a Dominant    should not go disappearing for days without at least letting their submissive know where they are. Again, I shouldn't have to state that but the past has taught me better. Like "commitment" up above, we all have off days/moments and I do not expect or want micromanagement. I just need to know that I can depend on my Dominant to be there.
6)  Accepting
While we all know we ride on the "freakier side of things"...I need a dominant who is accepting of me...All of me. I do have limits, some hard and some not so much. I am a smart, intellectual person. I do have quirks (yes, I know some of them need to be fixed lol). I am also a mother...an active one and I enjoy being that.

Again, it may be a short list...but it's a basic starting off point. For me, those are the basic needs I need met in a Dominant. They are non-negotiable. I do know they probably look like "Duh!" items for those of us who have some experience...we sometimes can "overlook" them when we love a person. I know, for me personally, I have made that mistake before...it lead to a lot of unhappiness and a lot of hurt in the end.