The other day M made a post on changes. In it he talked about the changes the two of us are dealing with in our lives and his knowledge of us making it through. He's right. We will get through them all and be better for them. It's taken me a few days to really understand and to really believe for myself.

The past week has been an arduous one. There have been changes in our schedules, the ending of the school semester for him and then the offer of a co-op with a company there at home that would basically start his career off on an extremely good foot. That last part was a really good thing, I'm extremely happy for him and so very proud of what he's been able to accomplish. The problem is of course is now having to quickly change lanes from the plans we had been setting to a whole new lane. It will extend his schooling by another 6 months and will of course make things there a little more permanent at least for the next year. It also means him having to set up new living arrangements neither of us had accounted for initially. Just a lot at once and the biggest being the extended separation.

I found myself, while happy for him, extremely scared as to what it would mean for us. I am not by nature a very insecure person. Generally I am pretty confident but with the issues we've had to face to date have taken a toll I guess. Either way, I found myself kind of sinking you could say. Fears began to creep in. The fear that this extension would somehow change his plans for us came to mind first. "What if he gets tired of waiting?" That thought hit me like a brick wall. I love M with everything that I am...but his patience, especially with things he wants, tends to run extremely short. Sure, I know that I am not the cause of him having to wait but let's face it...Our privacy and alone time is already limited. I am not able to serve him as I should so the question of "What if he gets tired of me being unable to serve him because of it?" pops into my head. Like I said...insecurities, a bunch of them.

Insecurities will kill the best of relationships. I've seen it before. But I've been trying to figure out how to best deal with that. How does one overcome that with everything in the way? Trust. Without it, we won't make it. I have to trust in him and his word. I have to trust that he will guide us through this so that we come out better than before. He's in this as much as I am, he knows what we are getting into. I have to trust that he will make the right decisions.

So...that is what I am going to do. I've built up a really good hand with him. I'm going to give myself over to trust, go all in with him and let the cards land where they may. Insecurity may be sitting on something good there across the table but then...for all he knows, I'm sitting here with a royal flush...