Uncomfortable silence

It happens to the best of relationships at some point. We run out of things to say or life in general gets hectic and we just get busy taking care of them that when we come back to ground zero…we sit there unsure of what to say or just avoid conversation for the sake of just not talking about the issues that have popped up because of said hectic schedule. Whatever the reason each may have, we sit there, together but sometimes not really mentally there. We’ve been together long enough to read each other like open books. We know there is something on the other’s mind yet...we just let it pass. Sure, we may ask what is wrong or offer a penny for their thoughts but we don’t push, afraid to pry. They do the same exact thing. Over time, letting it ride that way, we become complacent or just used to the uncomfortable silence. We begin to delude ourselves that the issues are done with because there is no arguing about it, not even a mention of them. We allow ourselves to be ignorant of the infection that is festering beneath the surface, an infection resulting from the uncomfortable silence. We ride along our path, enjoying the wind in our face, seemingly concern or worry free until a bug hits the windshield and we take off the sunglasses we had put on.

One of us feels a pull and that feeling creeps up, that sick and morose feeling of dread. The reality and awareness of the infection comes rushing back and it hits us where it hurts the most…our heart. We begin analyzing everything, every cover up, our actions, the other’s actions. We begin blaming ourselves, that blame turns to regret or resentment that the other had not thought enough to see and point it out. We try putting out little hints, still afraid to push too hard for fear of what will happen if the bubble bursts. Perhaps the hints go unheeded or perhaps it’s blissfully ignored. Not so much intentionally, just a matter of preservation of self and the relationship. When it isn’t handled, we withdraw. Instead of realizing that the other just has not had reality hit them, we take it for lack of concern or worse. Anger begins to build, anger at ourselves and anger at our significant other. It all starts to wrap in on itself, a vicious cycle that could very well be spelling out the doom of what both of you have worked so hard to build and preserve. If you’re a submissive, you begin scrambling, trying to sort out the sudden rush of thoughts and emotion, doing what you can to correct the situation. If you’re the Dom, you probably begin to second guess not only the sub but perhaps yourself as well. You analyze the fact you let it get so far and now with the loss of control to a point you feel it is futile.

The question is…why do any of us settle for this? Why do we allow it to happen? Me personally…well, I am still trying to figure that out. It seems to be a continual thing, a mistake made over and over again in lives all around me…including my own. I mean, I could spout off a thousand reasons as to why it happens to M and I from time to time. But in the end, not one of them is excusable for either of us allowing the break down in communication, to allow it to progress far enough to destroy the foundation that was precariously laid in the first place. When I first began my journey into D/s, I found what seemed to be endless articles on communication and it’s importance. During the failing of my marriage I had found an equal number in vanilla research. Communication and Trust. Vanilla or Baskin Robins….doesn’t matter your path. A relationship MUST be built on this. I couldn’t figure out why so much on it but as time goes on, I honestly see why. Us humans are fickle creatures. We forget so easily the fundamental basics on almost everything, it gets lost in the sea of all the other stuff we must remember. So THAT is why there are so many resources out there saying the same thing. Because we need a daily reminder that no matter how long you’ve been together, 2 months, 2 years, 2 decades…Communication, Communication, Communication. Without it our trust slips, without our trust the relationship fails. So my friends…consider this the reminder for today.