Hands

The last few days I've been trying to find something to write on. With so much going on, it's hard to sit down long enough to focus my mind on one thing in particular. M's started his new job so new schedule there. I've got Ding's 7th birthday coming up and a decent sized party is planned...what was I thinking by agreeing to a Luau? LOL. Actually, that will be fun just a lot of preparation for it. But then throw my own job, taking care of the house, family obligations...you get the picture. We've been busy little bees. But to sum it all up...I've been hard pressed for getting myself in one place long enough to really concentrate. I'm starting to wear thin from it and with M in Florida and me here for now...there's no escape or release from everything.

But, tonight a thought came to mind when M and I were talking. I miss him terribly, there is no doubt on that. Every little thing about him runs through my mind. As stupid as it may sound given we talk a few times daily right now, I even miss the sound of his voice. Phones and skype don't really do it justice. But, during our conversation tonight I told him I miss his hands. Of course, most of you are like "Yea yea we know why." And I am sure he thought the same thing, he even replied "I miss everything about you." But I didn't mean it like that.

To give a little background here, I have a thing for hands. It is generally one of the first things I notice about other people and honestly one of the things I ALWAYS remember about them. Like my granny's hands or my mother's hands...I have my mother's hands. It's one of the things I will never forget about my Dad...I loved my Dad's hands. Typical man hands...big and wide, calloused and stained from years of working. My Dad always worked with his hands. He's been gone for 7 years now and I still cry like a baby when I hear Holly Dunn's "Daddy's Hands." So...yea, I have a weird thing for hands. Not a fetish (although I probably do have a fetish for M's hands to a point lol) but just like some people notice shoes or hair or whatever...My quirk is hands.

But, when I said I miss his hands, it's not just the way his hands look or the feel of them or the way his hand fits with mine. The thought came that it is so much more than that. In so many ways, his hands hold the world...my world. His hands have the ability to leave marks on my body (Yum...beautiful bruises lol)but by the same token can soothe every ounce of pain away. His hands can make me laugh or bring me to tears. His hands can hurt or comfort and protect. With the flick of a wrist he can beckon me closer or dismiss me from the room. His fingers can bring me to the brink of ecstasy or bring me to my knees in disappointment.

So...yea, I do miss the way his hand fits in mine. I miss the way he can lay in bed next to me for what seems like hours talking and stare at his fingers playing with mine. I miss the way he'll run his fingers through my hair one second then grab a hand full the very next. I miss everything about him, everything about his hands. But when it all boils down to it...his hands hold my heart and world in his palm and without them...I feel like I'm missing.