Waking Thoughts

Yea...this is going to get personal and yes it will be sexual. If that offends...then I suggest you move on. Since last weekend my dreams, my thoughts, my memories have been so incredibly vivid. Overly so really and it makes it hard to concentrate on much else. These images have given way to a new thought, a darker side to things...all because it is almost like it feels it will be the only way he can be closer right now. Perhaps it is the sudden absence of him, perhaps it is something I need to exercise the demons and constant desire to have him here knowing he can't be right now. I am not overly sure...but this dream in particular has stuck with me...and I need to get it out so that perhaps I can move on to coping with the temporary separation.

I found myself walking, stumbling down a dark alley. I could hear him chuckling (did I ever mention how sinister his laugh can be? *grins*)and telling me to catch up. I could hear the low rumbling of music and familiar scent of the city filled my nostrils. I heard a woman's laugh from behind me and turned to see a couple stumbling past the alley's opening where I had just come from. I moved to turn back around, to carry on my way. My mouth opened to call out to him but was cut off by the hand that came up around my throat. First instinct was to scream but he always seems to know my moves before I do. His voice was as low as a whisper in my ear and his tall frame pressed against my back. He told me I was to remain quiet, not one peep was to leave my lips. He pulled me back further into the alley away from the light. Now, I am not one afraid of the dark but I felt my heart begin to pound in my chest and could hear the blood in my ears. I know he felt my pulse quicken because his fingers tightened around my neck. I reached back to grab a hold of his jeans and his voice sounded in my ears. No touching was allowed either. I let out a strangled whimper and he laughed...right before my front met the cold surface of a concrete wall. His other hand came up to slide his fingers into my hair, gripping it firmly and pressing my cheek into the rough surface. (Can anyone say "He had me at hello"?)

The hand at my throat released it's hold and a waive of dizziness swept over me at the sudden return of complete oxygen. My knees gave a little and his grip on my hair tightened. I was told to be a good little cunt and stand tall. I did as told, awkwardly so as a foot kicked between mine signalling for me to spread them. His free hand pulled up on the material of my dress and the cool night air gave rise to goosebumps. His fingers gripped roughly at my skin, at my ass, his fingertips digging in (just so you know...yea, I love when he does that hehe). His hand seemed to be everywhere...pulling the thongs he allowed me to wear up till they were almost painfully rubbing against my clit, slipping into my bra to pinch and roughly manhandle my breasts, painfully pinching and pulling at the soft skin on my thighs.

Suddenly the hand was gone and I struggled to catch my breath. I waited for him to release me or turn me to face him. It did not come. He pressed my face harder against the wall as the distinct sound of a zipper sounded. I tried to turn and it earned me a stinging slap against my exposed ass. I was to be a good little cunt so that he could remind me of my place. I felt confused, not sure if this is exactly where I wanted to go...not yet. Tears began to flow and my quiet sob was answered by a low moan...one so low that if you weren't paying attention you might miss it. It is a sound I am now so incredibly attuned to. I felt his cock brush against my ass cheek and I flinched. Part of me wanted to cower but he controlled me. Instead I found myself remaining still as he bid. Tip toes he bid and pulled up on my hair. My heels only gave so much height. When I did not move as fast as he would have liked, he pulled painfully on my hair and I found myself complying.

He tells me to pull my thongs to the side and my shaking hands move to do as told. The cool night air hits my damp center. It is short lived as he easily aligns himself with me and enters. Panic and desire fill my entire being. I find myself crying and moaning at the same time. Without concern he begins using me, taking his fill of what my body has to offer. His hands keep my upper body pressed against the wall, the concrete gripping painfully at my clothing and exposed skin. My scalp burned from the pulling of my hair. My toes hurt from bearing all of my weight. A thought flashed in my head, telling me for a split second to use our safeword. But...the realization that I didn't want him to filled my head. I needed this, I needed to feel him hurt me...to use me as nothing but a cunt to satiate his deepest darkest desires...to remind me I would always be beneath him. It was as if he could read my thoughts as he instructed me to cum with him and like the good little slut I am, I did...

I wake after this, in my bed without him and my whole body aches. The past few days I've managed to smile instead of crying as I had when he first left. Instead...my tears wait for him. Like everything else about me, they too know that they are his and his alone. Perhaps you do not know what that feels like. To know that every thought, emotion...everything down to each individual cell in your body is owned by someone. I am still coming to grips with that I think but honestly...it's by far the most beautiful thing I've every experienced. The only thing that it shares a spot with is the day I became a mother...if that tells you anything. There are few things in life that we can look back on and no matter what say it was the best thing I've ever done. Being his, serving him and being a mom are it for me...they are the two greatest things I will achieve in this lifetime...