Why Choose Submission?

Why choose submission? Good question but one not so easily answered. The word alone strikes fear in some, for others it is total ecstasy. To those of us that find value in submission, it can mean so many different things. One thing is always the same…it is the selfless act of giving ourselves over to the will of another. For me, it is all of that and more. It is the ability to set myself free from the binds of everyday life…work, house and motherhood. Sure, I know what some women think. We’ve come so far, made so many advances to assert ourselves in society…why go backwards? It isn’t about that…point blank. I am an intelligent being with a good head on my shoulders. I have, what I believe are, good morals that I do my best to instill in my daughter. I can talk about politics, art, music, literature. I hold down a full time job in which I have my own team of people under me. I am not rich by any stretch of the meaning…my bills are paid on time, I own a home and a car, neither of which are paid off, and my daughter doesn’t go without food, clothes or the other basic necessities. But, I am for all purposes, an independent woman. So…why do I need a man right?
That is easy…I am still, underneath all of those finer things, a woman. It isn’t a case of necessarily needing a man. I can make due on my own. It comes down to knowing who I am and being a strong enough woman to admit that I am not ok to do it all alone. The women of today have made a lonely life for themselves. They push for so much independence that we have forgotten the true value of a man. It isn’t about sex, it isn’t. I could easily satisfy the urge in any manner I choose. I could choose to walk the Sapphic line, I could pick up men in bars, I could do as I’ve done many times before…BOB. But let’s face it, none of those can quite compare to a strong man’s man who has not only his own but my best interests at heart. I am ok with admitting that I need that firm hand for guidance and discipline, that loving touch to let me know it’s ok when I stumble and that affection that can only come from praise for doing something right. I am strong enough to admit I need the dominance that can only come from… a man.
Am I nuts? Not in any sense of the word. Being submissive does not make me crazy nor does it mean I crave abuse. Yes, I am a masochist in the fact that I do derive pleasure from some pain. But it is not the driving point, it isn’t why I choose submission. So many people automatically think submission means you want to be beat. Some say it is because I was abused as a child. Sorry, my father was a very loving man who gave me a total of MAYBE three whippings growing up. And god forbid anyone told him to use a belt. He didn’t believe in that, said he could judge the firmness of his hand a lot better than that of any object. Never once did he ever lay a hand on my mother either. She would have hit back and he knew it. But…it is possible the lifestyle was learned at home. My mother was a stay at home mom. She took care of us five girls while dad went out and earned a paycheck to keep a roof over head and food on the table. When he came home, it was all about him. When dinner was done and there was a pork chop left on the table, you better not touch it. Had any of us done so, we would have gotten a slapped hand. No, it was not free until my dad passed on it. Dad was king and my mother was every bit his queen. Every decision was discussed between the two of them but the final decision was ultimately his.
For those of us in the lifestyle, it was very much taken in hand. Growing up, I admired them both for their relationship. Being independent, I told myself that I didn’t want to be my mother but only in the respects that I wanted to be able to work. Otherwise, my mom and dad had this…amazing bond. Those of us in the lifestyle understand what I mean by that…but it really was so incredibly beautiful. In my father’s eyes, my mother was a goddess no matter what she was wearing. She wasn’t just the mother of his children, she was the very air he breathed. For her, my dad was everything. They were incredibly loving people and sure, growing up we all went “Ewwww” when they kissed. Still to this day I will joke they only had sex five times…enough to produce us kids. But in all actuality, I know that they were still very much like honeymooners. What is amazing is that it was still like that after 21 years. Their partnership was so simple, It went beyond the vanilla “true love” rationale. Yes, they loved each other like no other and my mother’s life has not been the same since his passing. But it was more, He was the dominant…shaping her, molding her and making her a better person. She was his loving submissive, completely at his will and bent to him like a tree in the wind….perfect harmony.
It took me a long time to understand what any of that truly meant. I didn’t even have that in my marriage. To be honest it took me a while to really come into my own, to really discover what I wanted. But god when I did, it took off. It became an obsession. I was lucky enough to have my best friend confide feeling the same way, the same desire to for a dominant and the want to explore the world of BDSM. It was during this exploration that I met my first master, Mike. While it was not to last, he was a great start. He trained me and got my feet wet in the lifestyle. He gave me the direction I needed so for that I am thankful and will always be appreciative to him. After him, I began really researching the complete world of D/s, everything that it entailed. For me, I was in love instantly. This was what had been missing in my life. Along the way, I met my second Master through a friend. He was more experienced and was able to help me grow a little more as a submissive woman. Again, much like the first while there was a serious connection, one that will always be a part of me…there was still something missing. We ended up wanting different things. He wanted only to be a trainer and I, by this time knew I wanted the full life dominant, I wanted what my parents had.
We both moved on and are still friends. But I continued on my search. I’ve made many friends who share my love for D/s and have learned so much but still I know I have only scratched the surface. I had given up on my search of the dom for me. As great as the lifestyle is, it has grown and the secret is out. So many have come in and have, sadly, polluted the waters in ways. Some, using the lifestyle for the wrong reasons, some just going with the flow without really learning and abiding by the core values we try so hard to uphold. While I do get excited for those wanting to come in, I tread lightly because it is such an important decision to make. It isn’t for everyone but you have to make the choice based on the right decisions. As a dom, it can not be made because you have to have someone to boss around and control every little thing. A dom has to have a heart and the ability for great compassion and affection. Your slave or submissive needs guidance and molding, not an iron fist for every little mistake. For a sub, it can not be because you lack self esteem and think you need someone always telling you what to do in order to live. A sub should be strong and confident enough to make decisions when her Master can not, to know what he needs without being told, confident enough to love him for everything he is especially his faults but be brave enough to take the needed criticism when you’ve done wrong. Happily, I can say that for the first time in my life I have given my full submission to one such man. He came as a total surprise and I had not been looking for one. But…I could not be happier. It is still incredibly new for us but we grow daily. I am shocked and thrilled by the depth of emotion and sheer connection we have. Can I say he is the ultimate I’ve been looking for? No, but I can say he, in my eyes as perfect as they come. He is new to the lifestyle but he still teaches me things daily. I am so incredibly proud to call him master and I look forward to seeing us grow even more. Yes, I do love him more than I thought possible and sure, it is scary. But…that is part of the thrill in our lifestyle. Without fear, we are careless.