An important thought

Today at lunch, the topic of "love" came up. It started off as a harmless conversation on relationships and somehow developed into a very indepth discussion about that oh so scary but all important word. The topic all boiled down to the different levels there of...Loving someone and being IN love with someone. Most confuse this, a lot.

You can love just about anyone. I love my parents, siblings, friends...even my ex-husband. I know...gasps. But it is true, he's the father of my child and even before we were a couple, we were friends. You do not just spend 12 years with someone and not love them. That is the funny thing, you never really stop loving someone. It just changes into a different level of the same emotion. Love is what's left when being in love has gone. It's when you care about someone and you hope they're happy, but you're not under any illusions about them. Maybe that kind of love is not exciting and passionate and all those feelings fade with time.

Being IN love with someone though...now that is different. I don't necessarily thing it's an illusionary thing, but it is a grand state that everyone wants. It's what spurs us to consider a future with that person, having a life or starting a family. It's what gives us that thought when we look at our significant other and think "I can see myself sleeping with him every night for years to come" or "I want to be there when her hair is gray"...in other words it is the level that spurs a relationship into long term. It ultimately gives us all that kick we need to get us over the obstacles that begin to pop up in our growing relationships.

Now, does this factor in when discussing a D/s or 24/7 TPE relationship. It most certainly does. We are all aware that it is very common to find yourself one day saying "I love him" or "I love her". Really, I would find it highly odd if as either sub or master that you never reach a point in which we admit to loving our partners. We share everything (or at least we're supposed to), we see each other in ways no one ever will or could see us. As subs, we give ourselves and our control over to someone else. To think love will never develop is preposturous I would personally think.

But is being "IN Love" necessary? No, it isn't. Does it happen? Sure! It happens every day, we would not have married couples in the lifestyle if not. But that is very general in response. Each person's needs or wants are different. Some never intend to completely settle down, then there are some that want that long-term relationship. If you are wanting long term, in my opinion...you really do need to ask yourself am I "IN LOVE" with this person. If you are wanting something that lasts further than a few months or even a year...being IN love for me is necessary.

I can not say that everyone feels the same as I do. For me, I lived in a marriage for 10 years with a man who neither of us could honestly say we were IN love with each other. It showed. Our sex life was...well there was ALOT to be desired. We stopped existing as a couple and lived more like best friends. For me...that was unacceptable. I can, at any time, live with a friend. My ultimate goal is to have someone who is not just My Master or a Friend, but a lover, a confident, a teacher and a partner.

So if you asked me, is being "IN LOVE" necessary? My answer is yes, most definitely. I settled once before but life is too short to settle. I won't be making that mistake again.