One of the first things I ever learned about trust was my Dad telling me that you never should put your faith and trust into someone who doesn't talk. This was odd coming from a man of not too many words. Granted he'd cut up with his friends and was even pretty communicative with my mother. Wasn't until later that I came to understand that he was just a little awkward around a bunch of teenage girls. Things changed though when my Uncle passed away and he realized that you never had enough time to say all the things you need to.
Now that I am an adult and have put a little experience in the ways of relationships under my belt, I came to see what he meant. He wasn't referring to those that are just naturally quiet. He meant to watch out for those who kept themselves quiet and withdrawn from you. If they can not share who they are with you...how are you meant to trust them? More importantly, how can they justify asking you to spill your soul. In reality, they can't. One thing I was told at an early age, the most important thing we have is our word. If you stay true to what you say and always tell truths then others will know they can depend on you. They come to trust you because they know you will always tell them the truth. That was something my mother told me when I was about 8. My parents weren't as bad as I thought they were when I was a teen lol...they weren't exactly vanilla either I've learned in my older years as well.
We've read it all before how communication is paramount in the D/s lifestyle. It is in any relationship but even more so in ours. Think about it for a moment. As a sub, we are subjecting ourselves to the will of another. We are expected to flay ourselves open, completely exposing every little piece of who we are to another. We have to in order to expect our dominants to completely lead us, to build us up better than we had been before. Our thoughts, words, actions now belong to someone else...and just as we would not embarrass ourselves, we would never want to embarrass our owner. During scenes we are sometimes putting our very lives in their hands. So, we share everything about us with them. I can remember it as if it were yesterday when I was told by my first Master "I want you to dig down to the deepest, darkest thought you have, share it and then dig deeper...I want to know every corner of your mind as if it were my own mind." That scared me but I did it because I knew if I was going to truly be his submissive, a good submissive, I'd have to share everything with him openly and without shame.
We've seen this written a million times about submissives, but the fact of the matter is despite being just the follower, the tool used...the Dominant has to be equally as open. How are we, as submissives, able to really trust and follow if we do not know who we are following? How can we ever feel comfortable enough sharing everything with someone who does not openly share him/herself with us? As a submissive, we want to desperately know our Dominants so that we can better serve. We can not anticipate their needs if we do not truly know them. We have no direction if we do not know what they are thinking. Truth? We can not. We have no basis for trust, no comfort level if we are the only ones exposed. It goes back to the old saying "Do as I say and not as I do." It doesn't work on children and it definitely doesn't work for grown adults who are giving up independence and EVERYTHING we are over to someone else. We know better, at least we should. We are not as mindless/innocent as children...we can not be kept at arms length. Just as with any relationship, even more so in a D/s relationship, the communication and sharing of self HAS to work both ways.
It all comes down to trust and communication. If we are to trust each other, we have to both be willing to be open and completely honest. We can not even hold back the truths that may hurt. It starts off as one little thing withheld to spare the other's feelings and it grows from there until everything you have becomes built on lie after lie. When it all falls apart, you end up with two very hurt people. In our lifestyle, it can sometimes end up even worse...there is a fine line between life and death. Heavy when put that way isn't it? It's meant to be heavy. Our lifestyle is not always an easy one to live. But if as Dom and Subs...if we are honest and open with one another it can be the most rewarding life experience. One filled with more love and connection than you can possibly imagine.
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