On being needed

Sometimes we all need to feel needed. It doesn't matter whether it's a plain Jane, vanilla relationship or an array of the 31 flavors. Sometimes even more so on the latter. For both a Dom and sub, in all truth, they equally need each other. You can't lead without a follower and you can't follow without a leader. Pretty simple concept.

But that isn't what I am referring to. I am not talking so much on co-dependency. I am talking about that basic human drive we all feel at some point of feeling needed by the person you're with. I can not begin to suppose or assume, even though I have the basic knowledge, on the Dominant's aspect in this. It's a given that they need to feel needed by the Submissive. Hell, in so many instances, they know we need them before we realize it. But for a submissive, we always know and feel that need for our dominant. But what happens when that need is not reciprocated? What happens when we feel that we aren't needed by our Dominant?

For me, it leaves me feeling rather...well...useless. Sure, we always know they need something at some point. A glass of water, clean clothes, a hot meal on the kitchen table, a body to use...you get the drift. But real need, that need for companion ship, that need to know you're there even if you're not physically at their side. Perhaps I am spoiled or jaded or whatever, but I would think that they still need that right? If so, shouldn't it be shown? I don't see it as a sign of weakness to admit that you occasionally need the same thing we all do. I don't personally see it as being soft to out of the blue send a text or call just because you needed your significant other/submissive.

Perhaps I am a sentimentalist at heart, perhaps that is my vanilla side speaking. I don't know...tell me if I am wrong. But for me personally, I don't really want to be in a relationship...D/s or otherwise where I wasn't needed in a capacity other than to be a servant. If that's the terms you worked out, great...it works for you. That's the beauty of TTWD, there is no "RIGHT" way to do things. But, for me...I just don't function on that level. I can't serve and give myself completely to someone without suffering the effects of emotional connections as well. I tried, really hard...and in the end I fell deeper for the person than had I not tried to fight it every step of the way.

I spent 10 years in a marriage to a man who never needed me...in any capacity. It was a hollow relationship that only lasted as long as it does because of a child. In the end, I found myself lying to me. I would never be happy not being needed. My very first Dominant eventually drifted that way as well. I was serving in every way possibly, but he didn't need me either. It ended...simple as that. In my head, if you don't need the person you're with...then you don't really have any real connection. And...nine times out of ten...the other side will end up hurt because they do need you.